So after a weekend of intense doing, I’ve followed up with some rather intense asking.
Sometimes it’s best just to ask. I know this, but it can be scary. What if they say no? Or I hear something I don’t want to hear? The more invested in getting the answer I desire, the scarier it is.
There’s all this stuff that goes on inside my head. I’m not the only one, but man, it can get rough in here. I’ll go so far as to practice what I’m gonna say in my head, and I’m rarely very good about actually saying it. But… it helps hush the part of my brain that’s quietly panicking.
Yesterday, I emailed a client and asked them to renew their massage package early, so I could pay rent on time, since I’m behind on from the accident. I was scared, because if they didn’t renew I was gonna have to get creative. It’s scary to have to sit, hope and wait for a “yes.” However, she replied quickly with a “Yes!”
All I had to do was ask. It was a good reminder that my work is valued, and that I have a commitment to my clients, and they too make a commitment to me by putting their trust in my skills. I am really proud of myself for asking.
Today I made myself have a conversation. You know the kind you can rehearse a million times in your head to convince yourself that you feel confidant and certain of what you want and want to say. I’ve recently started seeing someone and I’m at that point where I want to focus on this fledgling relationship and see where it goes.
I’m a huge fan of straightforward communication in any relationship, and after several failed relationships because of poor communication of expectations and desire, I know it’s absolutely crucial in primary relationships. I’ve passed on several guys in the past couple months purely because their inability to communicate clearly. (This is a MUST have for me.)
So in a clear effort to start early, I sucked it up, gave myself a solid pep talk and made myself go inside and ask for a minute of his time. I felt flustered, shaky and, honestly, scared. I, who can usually carry off confidence even under intense fear, stuttered and had difficulty getting to the point of what I wanted to talk about.
But I did. I had to force myself to look him in the eyes, to face my fear that he may not like me as much as I like him, that maybe he’s still seeing and/or wants to see other people, that maybe he doesn’t find me as utterly adorable and distracting as I find him. I made myself emotionally vulnerable and it was scary.
I now know where I’m at, where he’s at, where we’re at and what’s going on. That makes me feel a million times better and my brain won’t sit and play replay on what’s might be happening. Plus, I’ve laid a clear precedent for open communication and I feel safe to say, “Can we talk?” without worrying he’ll think something is wrong.
I also feel very positive about the fact that I can ask for what I need and want, which is very scary and leaves me very vulnerable. That’s a great step, in and of itself, for me.
What questions do you need to ask?